A Tribute to Richard B

About two years ago, in the course of my day job, I happened to take a call from a very well educated, very well mannered man.  It was just after Christmas, and as I chatted with him while processing his request, I asked him how the holidays were for him.  Hesitating, he said, "Well, Denise, I'm sure you probably don't want to hear this, but I've been diagnosed with cancer and I'm facing a pretty big surgery in February."  Genuinely surprised, I expressed my regret and then I began to talk to him.  I asked him questions about his illness.   He was calm, honest, forthright.  I listened.  We talked for a good while.  There was something in his voice that just was so kind and after our conversation, I took the liberty of sending him a company postcard in appreciate of his business, with the warmest wishes for a successful surgery and fast recovery.  Surprisingly shortly thereafter, I received a very kind postcard from Richard at work.  By this time, I figured we'd cemented a friendship and sent him a get well card with my home address.  We continued our snail-mail and e-mail correspondence for the past two years, while he continued to receive treatment in his home in California.

Rick was married to his sweetheart, Sue, and we talked a lot about how lucky we both were to have found our soul mates, even though it was later in our lives.  Despite his circumstances and the horrible effects of his cancer (extreme weight loss, weakness, a fall that broke his pelvis in three places last spring and landed him in a nursing facility - he said he missed sleeping in bed with his sweetie), and just all the pain and suffering cancer causes, he never complained.  He worried only about Sue, and how tired she must be.  In late summer or early fall, Rick sent a general e-mail to his usual list of friends, informing all of us that he, Sue and the doctors were stopping all treatments because his prognosis was bad.  I wrote him back a simple line..."Are you scared?"  He answered, "Only when Sue gets mad at me and chases me around." 

So today, when returning to my desk after teaching a class and discovering in my in-box the familiar e-mail from Richard B. with the subject of "Update on Rick", I just knew.  I'd been thinking about him since the weekend.  The e-mail was from Sue, actually written by Rick's daughter, and in it was the news that he passed away Monday evening.  I sat there for a few moments, taking it in.  This was a man I never had the pleasure of meeting in person, and yet who touched me deeply with his wonderful sense of humor, his courage, his warmth, his honesty, his failure to complain, his sense of adventure, his love for his wife and family, his knowledge and intelligence, and his kind words about the photo of Ed, me and our grandchildren after receiving our Christmas card last year.

I'll miss you, Rick.  You were a lovely addition to my life and I won't forget you.